A Husband and Father

Emotional Logic

Posted by The Author , Tuesday, May 4, 2010 11:30 PM

[Reread the subj title and Embrace the Pic... ]

"I'm a dog, and I can smell your smell right through your clothes
And I espouse some views that you yourself just might not hold
Sometimes I am given pause to think when
I consider what we could call the good life"
*1

 In my last post I talked about evolutionary imperatives and certain ingrained responses. After letting a few days pass I still find that my words feel right. I still feel most of us spend our lives trying to deny certain gut instincts.  One might read that last post and these preceding words and assume that I was making excuses for inequities in the exhibited morals of the sexes. That would be to assume incorrectly.

"When it comes to the city versus the country life
Well, I must say that I far prefer a farmer's wife
Breakfast with the master in the morning
Feel the breeze and brush against a cow's leg - mmm!"


Instincts are useful for animals (and yes, I did say in the last post that we are animals. I will now say that we are not.) They can be useful for humans. The problem for humans is that we have graduated far enough past mere daily survival and species propagation (though it does always come back to that doesn't it?) that instincts often hinder just a bit more than they help. Today the ability to cope within a group and deny our basic instincts has become a cultural survival instinct rather than a primeval one.  Most of the primeval survival instincts for humans have been relegated to family legend and urban myth; A mother who fought off an attacker to keep her children safe, a sixth sense that kept one from entering a dark alley or the reflexes to quickly grab a child before they ran headlong into harm. Each of these are things we'd not likely be able to replicate even if we wished to (at least under "laboratory conditions"). They are not practiced; they come from another place. We often forget that we are born fearful of snakes and spiders as our great to the Nth ancestors were. No one taught us to fear them. We rarely discuss that the sound of a siren grabs our attention so because it mimics the pitch and tone of a screaming child.


"But it seems the thinkers you call greatest are
The sort who often fall ill young, or pine away
How can they help but drag the species down?"



Those aforementioned instincts can have positive effects on today's culture. They serve to keep others alive. The other instincts though, specifically the one's that drive men to roam, to make war on the "other" and to create a submissive populace come from a time when our animal selves sat in the driver's seat and (rightfully so) held sway over the future of our species. Technology has granted us the boon of a gray area. We can take care of all whom we choose now. We humans no longer live under the sharp blade of 'Survival of the Fittest'. On the contrary, we go to great lengths to take care of our old and handicapped. We've turned the corner on evolution and now take care of our own based on created "rights". We celebrate the right of one to exist and speak of "Humanity". This quality of humanity tells us to take care of those who cannot take care of themselves. This IS a good thing...

"There's some debate about whether instincts should be held in check
Well, I suppose that I'm a liberal in this respect
I can't say I liked Robinson Crusoe
But at least he didn't tie his dogs up at night"

All of these things directly correlate to our presumed relationship structure today. Culturally it is unacceptable for a man to roam. Unacceptable for him to attempt to "rule" his household. No longer can a man cuff his children and shush his wife. These are good changes.

If we are to stand behind all of our scholar's rhetoric, we must all create a miracle. We must ignore instinct and embrace a new mutually exclusive paradigm; Emotional Logic.

"But it seems the thinkers you call greatest are
The sort who often fall ill young, or pine away
How can they help but drag the species down?"

The right thing is not always the easy thing. The right thing does not always feel right at the outset. The right thing does not always benefit the group or the species... the right thing can sometimes lead to the detriment of the individual.

"How come all your poets fall into despondencies?
And then write it down for us to read every indignity?
Not such worthy specimens, these creatures
Hardly fit for what you could call the good life"

Should I mow the lawn or vacuum? Can I do both? Can I be the chef and pick up the kids from school or must I return each night and demand "quiet time" and a scotch? My Wife (capital "w" mind you!) is as much a professional (if not more, since I am so by experience and not education) as I am. Why in the name of all that is good and holy (a short list these days) should I assume that my day was harder? Why should I assume as a "Mother" that her role is more important? Or more accurately, more labor intensive?

[Side note: The Fact that I believe that certain aspects of the ten months spent in vitro are something that a father can never surpass or understand are another story]

It's not. Is it different? Certainly.  Men and women are different... nearly different species. But we DO love each other... we do NEED each other. We are however confused as hell. We need to wake up. We need to talk TO each other more and AT each other less.

We need to scale back our gender ego's and peel back the layers a bit to reveal that we are both just as scared as the other when it comes to the societal pressures placed open us. I am not my father. And you are not your mother, we must say to each other. We are us, and we must learn everything all over...

Just as our parents did.  So take a deep breath. Look him or her in the eye. And say... How you feel without blame. What you are scared of without fault. What you are willing to do to help without shame.


After all, it would only be emotionally logical.


*1(Lyrics in italics by Crash Test Dummies, by the way, the link this will take you to is that song, about a random dog I have never met... seemed to be a damn good dog though. :)