A Husband and Father

As you may have read, I’ve been watching Mad Men. I’ve one episode to go for Season One and must say that my opinion of Mr. Don Draper has run the gamut of the following (but not wholly limited to) adjectives:

Cool, Bad Ass, Tough, Romantic, Misogynistic, Caring, Disrespectful, Dashing, Sad, Ugly [contradictions ad infinitum].

I like using Mr. Draper as a benchmark; neither for or against, but as a way-point in the history of the evolution of Men [Men being the Male of Homo Sapiens, Sapiens and not used as the whole of Humanity]. Why? While Mr. Draper was the fictional child of a post industrial revolution society he still held many of the semi-prehistoric attributes of our forefathers and their more "primitive" grand fathers. Though immersed in a post suffragette world at the dawn of true feminism [read gender equality] men of that generation were only vaguely perturbed by their changing roles. And that was only fifty or so years ago. Confusion and it's ugly cousin rebellion came swiftly on its heels.

Saying the word man or men can be either a compliment or a curse. If used in a nurturing, calm and patient fashion it can be quite endearing and positive.  

When used to describe an aggressive or selfish act it is most likely being used in the negative. “Oh my god… he drank all night with the guys, got in a fight and then came home and expected me to dot, dot, dot…”

This is a blog. It’s not a novel, a treatise or thesis. Ergo it is short and to the point. My answer to the above bolded question is simple.

As the women in the audience nod their heads along, high five and assume that the rest of this post shall be smooth sailing with a succulent side of male bashing please take note that the definition of “Men” has now morphed to Men [As the whole of Humanity].

Yes ladies, you are animals too; boys and girls, men, women and all those in between count as Men. Granted we are quite adept at burning ever increasingly thermally efficient elements [wood to coal to uranium etc], we are still animals. The most gourmet cuisine is at any given time three steps away from raw dead animal flesh and dirty vegetation.

Our homes are still made of rock and tree (albeit with an ever increasing amount of petroleum derived plastic and post consumer recycled material). We still sleep on weaved vegetation or animal fur or feathers. We still keep tame wolves as guards and companions [note: keeping cats is a post cultural affectation]. We still write on cellulose (paper from trees) with evolved quills (pens) using pigment (ink… yes, your printer or fax counts). Women still paint their faces with pigments that mimic exaggerated sexual arousal and men seek to smell ever more like themselves after the “Hunt”. Men’s fashion swings back and forth from smooth and soft to hairy and rugged like a pendulum.

Instead of gathering around the campfire to hear heroic and cautionary tales of war, lust, greed and intrigue we gather around the television, books and the internet. Our stories are rife with death, violence and sexual tension as well as the pain and shame of others [Comedy]. Mostly they are power games.

Men still make sexist comments, boast of fights and generally posture in the safe bubble of masculinity. Women still complain about men in general, secretly remark about how one is more or less rough and tumble or caring than another and who would make the best "dad".

I’ll be a little brave. I’ll generalize.

Men desire aggression, the hunt, domination and mating.  When those are accomplished or missed out on they meet to brag or whine about them (respectively).

Women desire safety and strong mates to give them safety and children. Historically most other emotional needs were met by other women.

Harsh? Perhaps. Simplistic? Yes. Sexist? Not in the least.

In the grand scope of things we have lived as two separate species for hundreds of thousands of years only meeting to carry out the various imperatives mentioned above. The only thing that has truly altered that paradigm is culture.

Culture is a perishable skill. Culture can be replaced by environmental need in a moment. That moment can extend into hundreds if not thousands of years unless that culture is preserved and the environment exists to support it. We have lost our culture before [read: The Dark Ages following the Fall of Rome] and we shall again [read: war, cometary strike, famine etc.]

Culture binds us as racial subgroups. It holds us together as communities; Red, Blue, conservative, liberal, independent, green and anarchist.  Think of the loyalty associated with various cultures; Patriotism, Religion, even worse… color of skin. We will do horrific things for loyalty to culture as well as near miracles of accomplishment reverently referred to as “Humanity”.

But Humanity can as much save a flooding city, an earthquake ravaged country or war torn region as they can destroy a resource rich area, its people, homes, children and infrastructure.

We are animals. But we have a gift. We can rise above evolutionary imperative to build great fragile things. We’ll talk about that next along with its black sheep cousin… Faith.