Life Happens
Posted by The Author , Monday, April 19, 2010 10:12 PM
Life Happens. Yes, it does. It's the kind of resigned thing I used to say when others realized that I was not living up to what they wanted of me in their lives. It was a simple deflection to take the heat off of me and place it on... Life. Translated it was an easy fatalistic B.S. cop out. Tonight as I sat on the couch thinking of what that phrase meant I did what we all do these days and Googled it. I found little in the way of origin [I'm taking this in a free wheel manner, if it is not obvious, it's not relevant, and if it is not profound then it better be funny.] What I did find was this quote;
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans..." ~ John Lennon
Do me a little favor. Read that again for me and think on it a spell. I did. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I didn't just think about it, I chewed on it. I worried it around like a bit of spinach in my teeth. What it made me realize was what I thought of as life was a pipe dream of an ideal of service rendered unto me. Life was the ride that I was on and all those who interacted with me were mere players and supporting cast in my own pleasure / pain bacchanal.
A Dionysian self centered joy ride. Life is not that.
I'm going to be brave for a moment and generalize. Life is that. Life is the ride that each and everyone of us ride, by ourselves into the dark without only the barest touch of another to guide us [some might mention faith, but that is another post...]. The real question is what do you choose to do on your ride? Do you choose to close your eyes and let go of the wheel? Or do you you choose to look around the car and notice the mood, needs, health and welfare of those in the car with you (especially when you are the one driving)?
I decided that Mr. Lennon had hit the nail on the head. I'm going to be brave again and explain in my own words what I think he meant.
"Life becomes the mistakes you'll regret when you indulge yourself and pay no attention to those you claim to love." ~ Me
I realized a while ago that I was running away from my life. Let's break that down and be a little more honest. I was running away from my wife. I was running away from my children. Hell, I was even running away from my dog. What's worse is that I was running away from them and then (finding myself far away and alone) turning around and screaming "Why isn't anyone here for ME!!!?" The silence was deafening.
I've decided to remove myself from the race I've been running against myself. I refuse to run away from those I love. I refuse to require those who love me to follow me down a rabbit hole of self indulgence to the co-dependent morass that I've whined for.
I'm running Toward my life. Toward my wife, my children, and yes, even my dog. And I am doing it with my arms wide open. I may have to circle around a couple of times, but I'll do it. More importantly I'm going to do it without requiring anyone else to change their stride. We will stumble. We will fall. But we will run together.
I'm going to make mistakes tomorrow, and the next day. I have to believe though that at least anticipating those mistakes and being able to count them up afterword is a step in the right direction...
But I will MAKE Life Happen.
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